Saying the wrong things

At Kochunni’s pre-school the teachers started a reading challenge some months ago. Every time the kids read a book they got a little magnet to take home and put on the poster. The idea is to encourage kids and give them the magnet as motivation to get through the 15 or so books. As you can imagine these are just simple books about a few pages long that help kids start to blend, rhyme and read.

A while back, Kochunni finished all the 15 books and gladly posted all the magnets on the fridge (he insisted that he wanted to get all of them before he put up anything) and that’s when we noticed that he had received two same magnets and was missing one. I told him that we take one of the similar ones to school tomorrow and exchange it for the one he was missing.

The next day when I went to pick him up I took the additional magnet and took it to the teacher. Now I might add, the teachers are usually still with other kids and the policy of the school is that if you want to chat with teachers you set up an appointment. So usually we just smile and say our goodbyes unless something has occurred like a child fell and bruised himself/herself or did not take nap or something.

So I went up to the teacher and mentioned the issue with the magnets and she started to check her cupboard to see if she had the missing magnet to give it to me. Kochunni was eagerly waiting alongside to get the same. Unfortunately she did not seem to have the one that we were missing so she asked that we check back later. Kochunni said ok and started to walk towards the door; and I was about to do the same, when the teacher said –I have to say something, today he said to a girl “I will ask my mom to kill your mom” and girl started to cry. We talked to him about it, but wondering were he got these ideas. Does he watch much television?

To say I was shocked would be like saying it rained today. I was blown over!

I told her, “no not really we only let him watch some TV over weekends which is still the kids stuff on PBS. She continued, “Its ok, he is just becoming mischievous these days, if you could also talk to him about it.” I said I sure will and looked up at Kochunni who was standing a few feet away near the door.

As I stepped out of the class, I asked him, what exactly did you do today to hear his side of the story. He immediately pouted and said he said what his teacher said he did. I asked him why that was the case and isn’t it a bad thing to say? We continued the discussion on the car ride back home. All the while he would cry at times or pout or at times try to defend himself by saying how she (the girl) would not play with him. I would try to counter each his arguments from pointing out his mistakes and telling him how “not playing” at a certain time did not warrant such a remark from him.

In my head, I had thousands of questions and not many answers.

As I was reaching home I decided that he needed to at least acknowledge his mistake clearly so I told him that he will need to write an “I am sorry” note and take it back to his teacher the next day. When he was afraid he couldn’t do it all by himself, I told him I would help him with the spelling and that it important for forgiveness to happen. I told him that I still loved him but that I am a little sad by what he did and expect him to do better next time.

As we turned to our lane, he cried once again that now even his Ammamma will be angry with him so I promised that I will not bring this up with his grandma, as long as he promises to never do or say something like this ever again. He nodded his head solemnly at me. Upon reaching home he rushed to have his snack and when I asked him about the note he was ready to write without a whine. He asked me again on how to give the letter and if that he could paint on the other side of the letter. I told him that I would bring it to school and it’s ok if there is no picture as this is note and not a birthday card. The next day I shared the note with his teacher. She mentioned that it was totally not necessary and smiled at me. She confirmed that there were no episodes that day.

The incident is over and a few weeks have passed. But I still question myself not only on my actions but also if this would be the last of its nature. Kochunni definitely has a temper but he is a good kid too. He possibly could have meant to say something completely different and went on to say the wrong thing or could be testing the boundaries, but I guess only time will tell if these digressions will occur again. All I can hope for is to continuing to teaching him good from bad and have the sense of mind to say/do the right thing at the appropriate time. Its at times like these that I realize the being a parent is a very hard responsibility, there are no magic answers and only time will tell if I handled the situation appropriately or not.

Kochunni Speak!

Every month, every year passes by and each time I think this is truly the best time to be around this wonderful kid. It was a great ride when Kochunni was still a baby and would gurgle at our antics of peek-a-boo, it was fun zoo at the house when he started to crawl and nothing was off limits, it was beautiful when he christened every member of the family from Muthu to grandpa in his own sweet way and its beautiful today when he talks mile a minute.

One of the best part of the Europe trip was actually spending time with him – when usually all we get are weekend which are cramped with birthdays, house work and a million other things. The trip was total unadulterated time with him and his lively conversation. He talked about the cars, made up stories and best of all gave us directions. Yes! I said directions. It was rather sweet to. He watched us looking constantly at the map trying to determine the way and one day took the map from us and started to peer closely into it and then pointed to the road and explain rather matter of fact way “This way you can see the giraffe, That way you can go and see the elephant.” When we told him that we need to go the way he showed us to see the elephant – he of course wanted to see the giraffe first.

Then there was the time when we bought him a European Volkswagen toy bus – he was super exited and wanted to call home to his Ammamma immediately to let her know that he now has a bigger car than her little brown jeep (a toy that he has given to her when they both play together).

It is super cute (biased opinion, I know) to hear him converse in Malayalam with us and English to his toys. He pretends sometimes to the teacher explaining something to his toys, while at other time he holds up two cars in each hand and pretends that they are having a conversation – usually one is the good car, while the other the bad car that pushes the good car out of the way. The moment we look up at him, he shy’s away sometimes even holding his hand up to his eyes, like the cat who believes no one can see because her own eyes are closed.

So far having family around has helped keep the mother tongue plus other Indian languages alive at home which in turn amazes me. I am not sure how long it will continue but I guess exposure to various cultures, traditions and languages helps his understanding of the uniqueness in each and every human being around us.

Highlights

It seems ages since I have surfed the blogosphere, no good reasons really – just that work caught up and with the economy where it is, it seemed like a good idea to keep your head down and work away. Plus with an awesome summer days (read hot, very hot), weekend turned into trips with friends to the park, to the railway line, to the beach, to the winery. So to play catch up, here are some highlights from our household

• Our garden is overflowing with oranges and now with apricots. The fruits have now become standard gifts for our friends and neighbors. I even had to try my hand at making apricot jam last weekend to reek in the abundance of fruit this summer.
• We are back to every day walks in the evening like last summer – though this time around Kochunni runs ahead of us pushing the stroller until he is tired and then we need to push him around. It also helped to meet two neighbors, with whom we hope to keep in touch post-summer.
• Finally met with Sraikh of the Asaaan fame and her four adorable kids. Kochunni hit it off well with the kids after he got over his shyness, and by the end he was rolling down the little hill in the park with them. Of course, he had a special place for Ashwina, his Chechi (elder sister) and talked about her all the way back home. Hope we can catch up again before the summer ends.
• Potty training is going in full swing, with Kochunni really doing well with peeing. His teacher has promised that by August end though she will ensure he is off diapers mainly to move to the next class. Though I am not so sure, he seems so stubborn that he who would rather get constipated than take the easy route. Million dollar question - how do kids manage to hold it in for 2 days?!?
  
• When the mood strikes (which on some days is quite often) Kochunni loves to babble words that have absolutely no meaning, though it might make sense in some language so when he sings 'Mary had a little lamb' tune with “Ambli bully ta-ti lam, ta-ti lam” it seems as if he is saying “ta-ta” or when asked for his name by our neighbor he answerd something that sounded like “Tarboose” that to our Telugu neighbors sounded like he was saying watermelon!! Even his teachers are surprised when he starts to sing – “I’m buuli, I’m daari!” they thought he was singing I’m a bully. Hopefully the trend discontinues quickly or I am left explaining things to folks, who continue to think I am joking or making up some story myself!
• We finally made it to the movie theaters after almost 3 years. YES! We went to see the movie Up! on the big screen over a weekend & though Kochunni was excited to see the big screen, sit on the big chair, in the really dark hall, I think he would have loved the experience much more if the movie was Cars. Up, though an awesome movie is not really a kids movie, its really for the kid in us. But nevertheless, he sat through the movie, through the very end.
  

That's about it, I think. Now off I go to play catch up with my blog reads ....

Like mother, like son

Everyone tends to remember and recall certain things, childhood memories, important days or events; though it works differently for everyone.

I am weak in recalling numbers, I can store about 4 phone numbers – the first phone number that we got (not in use today), it was mainly a source of pride that we finally had a phone and did not have to rely on neighbors to call home or call someone. It was akin to having a new expensive in-demand toy. Our current phone numbers though even those I tend to jumble up once in a while. On the other hand, my colleague is so good at numbers, that I can just ask her instead of checking Outlook.

I can tell you what grocery I bought yesterday, but probably could not tell you how much I paid for it, I would trust the handy credit card statement for that.

I can tell you where to find the nearest stores or parks are by way of landmarks but not by street names, I would trust Google Maps for that. I still get confused on highways on whether to take the south exit or north, often relying on a phone call to husband or my own memory from the landscape surrounding the exits.

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On our way back from daycare, we need to essentially merge into the main street and then cross over three lanes to make a U-turn to head on home. Usually there is very high traffic on the main street, so getting across the lanes is a challenge. So far I always have managed to do it before the first intersection to make the U-Turn, though yesterday the car on the left-most lane would not give me way and as I was closing in to the intersection, I had to make a decision to stay on my line and cross the intersection and hope that I could make the U-turn at the next light. The moment I crossed off, I hear a cry “I want to go home!” Unsure, at this sudden outburst, I tell Kochunni that of course we are going home. He continued to cry and as I looked at him through the mirror, I realized that he was trying to look back and figured out what happened. I explained to him that because there is so much traffic I had to move ahead, but we are definitely on our way home.

Later when I told the story to husband, he told me a similar incident that occurred when he picked up Kochunni a week ago. At that time, my often-forgetful husband, instead of merging onto the highway continued on the ramp, and a familiar voice in the back said “Namal yengada pogune” (where are we going?) in a matter-of-fact way. In that instant, husband realized his mistake and jumped back onto the highway.

Seems like Kochunni is emulating a similar memory pattern like me, and I am totally in awe that this little guy seems to know his way home!

Jadoo ki jhappi

Today morning as I was getting ready to leave, I asked Kochunni for a hug, but since he was buried in his cars, he barely even looked up. This is often the scene in the morning and sometimes I have to ask for a hug a couple of times, before I get one. Today for some reason he was totally not interested.

As I started to do the last minute mad rush - pick up of my bags (laptop, lunch, purse), check his lunch bag, I asked for a hug again. Kochunni looked up and told me there was a traffic jam. For a second, I did not understand, was he predicting my commute? And then realization dawned, that it was his McQueen that was stuck behind the school bus, the fire truck and something else. I laughed and asked him to move McQueen to another route.

As I left my bags in the car, and walked back to get my phone he asked me for his glass of milk. I gave it to him and kept looking for my phone. Finally everything was set, and as I headed to the door I asked him again for a little hug. He looked at me and just stood there. Just then the clock chimed 8.30 – I knew I was late and I exclaimed that I might now be late to pick up the little guy in the evening , just in a general sort of a way.

Kochunni did not like that one bit and immediately yelled a big NO! I smiled and suddenly inspiration stuck and I told him to give me a "magical" hug – a hug that will make sure that there is no traffic on the road, that my day goes well at work and ensure that I can be home in time. He looked skeptical, but as I claimed that only his hugs had the magic and Amma needed one every day, he walked up to me and gave me a really big, tight hug.

And as it turns out, there was no traffic on the roads and even though usually it takes me 45 minutes, today I was in the office in 25 minutes. Kochunni might not remember his magical hug tomorrow but I for one would love a few more, everyday, traffic or no traffic!

Story Time

One of my fondest memory from my childhood is during the power-cut hour, sitting in front of our house in Bangalore, with my grandfather - him on his lazy chair, the rest of us on the ground, or the stairs, telling me wonderful stories. There was something mysteriously fun about sitting outside in pitch darkness with only the light shimmering from the million stars above, listening to the stories. My grandfather is one of the best story-tellers. He introduced me to Lord Krishna – through various stories – Kaliya-mardhana, Putana, Bakasura and many more. Today one little search, can land you with a million sites offering stories – folklore, mythology and everything in between. But reading is vastly different from listening to a story.

The magic is in the words, the description, the hint of mystery when some things are left to the listeners’ imagination. It cannot be long, drawn out measure because you might loose the listeners interest, nor do you want to say too much that they have nothing left to imagine. It’s definitely a talent.

When my dear Chachan (grandpa) used to tell me the story, it was his voice – rough, loud and clear that helped build the story. It was also his diction and the little details in the story that he would include. I still remember the first time he told me the story of “The Count of Monte Cristo” he remembered all the character names. Unfortunately I seem to have forgotten many of them today! (sob!) He had a craft in telling the story – like when he narrated the story of Krishna's Kaliyamardhana he would describe the dance Lord Krishna did on the snake with a little beat - "Tham Thakka ...", holding one hand like a hooded snake and the other to symbolize Krishna jumping around the various fingers.

Flash forward 25 years, now I am trying to tell stories to Kochunni – stories of wonder, stories of love and of devotion. I don’t think I have a good talent but I am trying my best. I hope that as he gets older he will enjoy story time, maybe we can sit outside, in the moonlight and build memories together.

On the other hand, he probably already has his great grandpa's talent. He is making up stories about the lion and the monkey jumping on the car and running around, drinking milk, sometimes falling over, sometimes giving you hugs. If you ask him why they fell over, he will turn around look at a spot and ask the lion why he fell, its funny, amusing and lovable. He draws in details that you don't expect from a 2 year old - of course the details might not be all that right with the lion in a green shirt or driving the fast car, but to me what matters is his thought process the fact that he is able to imagine, and to build as much detail as he is able to with his limited vocabulary to tell me a 'katha'.

Daycare updates

Its almost been a month at the new daycare of the little fella, of course with some vacations and his ill heath it hasn’t been as continuous, nevertheless. So some updates (just a fancy way of scrap booking the noticeable changes)

• For the last two weeks, when we drop him off he looks at us (reminding me of the cat from the movie Shrek) and reminds us “vegam varane” (come early). Of course, it’s the ‘drama gene’ that he has inherited but we fall for it every time.
• He loves to talk to his cars like his teacher and friends at school talk to him – so you can hear him admonishing the car “No! Go there”, “Come here”, "This is mine" etc. It’s almost as if he is practicing with his toy cars whatever new sentence he has learned in school. It’s a fun and easy way to let him play and watch the new things he is doing.
  
• This is the best part, if I jump in and explain or correct a sentence (usually correcting his grammatical errors or adding in the golden words) he looks at me in total wonder. Almost as if thinking “My amma knows this, so cool. I just thought she was a dumb girl that gave me food and rocked me to sleep” LOL!

He is talking a lot, knows his colors and recognize many alphabets. He is still weak in his number recognition and throws a fit for lot of things but (touch wood) the terrible twos are ‘almost’ under control. At least now he can somewhat explain what is bothering him. But still a long way to go, especially getting to the diaper-free zone or sleeping on his own - yes he hasn’t mastered that art yet and with his last episodes, he is back to sleeping with us so that we can monitor his breathing. Of course, its always easy to move him to our bed but the route back to his own is tougher. So with the last four-five days of sleeping with us, yesterday he was demanding that he sleep in the AC room. Needless to say, ‘miles to go before we sleep’!

So many words, yet so little

There was talk on a radio show that I often listen to on my way to work about Ivana Trump getting married to her boyfriend who is quite a few years younger to her. They kept calling her a “couger”. Now, in reality couger is a mountain lion or panther – a beautiful animal native to the Americas. But here the reference is more of an older woman who preys on younger men. Note the word is even the #1 buzz word according to Time.

This got me thinking how many words we use to describe woman’s exploits and some of it is just not fair ...A married man dating another woman is just a cheat but his girlfriend becomes a mistress, if the situation were reversed the man still doesn’t have an equivalent to the word mistress while the women would be called a b**ch. Again the word is not ugly by itself – it’s just the female of the dog specie – an animal who is loyal and cute; but the connotations it draws in the minds of people is of a hard core woman who will do anything to get what she wants.

Of course, you might argue, that one should love being called a couger for the matter of empowerment and all. I mean here is this reversal of the typical December-May romance. But calling any human being with an animal name is never in my books a good thing? Not that an animal is anyways better or worse than humans, it just doesn’t seem fair to either species. What say you?

(image from: http://weblogs.cltv.com)

No man's land

In high hopes that Kochunni will be trained to sleep on his own, in his own room, we moved him to his room that has all the things a boy could desire (or so we hoped). We had painted the room a nice shade of blue and adorned one wall with pictures of cute animals – a hippo, a giraffe, an elephant. A nice placard displaying his name in bright orange colors. A little night-light atop the dresser. After great reluctance at the said move (read cries of horrors) I had this brilliant idea of sleeping next to his crib in the small bed pulled up close to him to help him sleep and once he was asleep I would move back to our room. In theory doesn’t this seem like a great plan?

Now let me show you some loopholes – One he hasn’t yet mastered the plan of sleeping through the night, which means around 11 or if we were lucky around 4-5 AM he would yell “Ammmmmma” And I had to run from our room to his and get into bed with him. Not that I minded sleeping with him – it was just the knowledge that he might call that made it harder to sleep well. There have been nights when I woke up with a start walked to his room and realized the little fella was sound asleep. Another big loophole is that I have supposedly left with no room in my own house!

Let me explain, when I lie down with him during the night after our little prayer we talk about this and that (insert cars and trucks). Sometimes when he seems restless and not wanting to sleep I would complain and tell him to be quiet since daddy, grandma and his amma now want to sleep. One time this led to a sudden revelation & Kochunni mentioned that his grandma occupies the middle room, his dad the AC room while he sleeps in his room. Of course, I couldn’t resist his reasoning and tried to explore further, so what about amma, I ask. Doesn’t his amma have a room? Poor boy he was at a loss of words for once. I laughed and let it go, that is until yesterday when I posed the same question. This time he had an answer. He looked straight into my eye and said “Amma lavele chaachi” (Amma you sleep in the morning).

So now I am left with no room, having to sleep when all the world is awake. Thank you, dear son that’s just wonderful.

Roobaroo

When I started to blog my regular readers were my parents and occasionally my husband. Then I started to get some hits and as I started visiting other blogs, reading, commenting; I started to get a steady readership. Few weeks later I had made friends. Yes friends, who laughed and cried at my parenting blues, friends who stopped by while I was asleep and dropped a kind word that lifted my spirits the next day. Friends who became part of my family. Then of course the mega shower happened that helped build bridges across national boundaries, time zones and continents. It was during this time that I grew closer to DDMom – a woman I have grown to admire, respect and love.

Realizing that we were living so close to each other, we emailed on a possibility of meeting and even setting up play date – with her adorable girls and my brat. We decided on a date, the time, the venue to meet. But it was not meant to be. After weeks of emails & phone calls we decided it was now or never, especially with an impending trip over the horizon.

Quick thinking as she is, DDMom suggested we meet for lunch. So on a warm Thursday afternoon we met at Chipotle (a Mexican restaurant). Munching crisp tacos, we chatted about her final days in the bay area, about our kids (what else) and ourselves. Soon the hour was up & we had to part ways. I had to get back to work, while she had to rush back to Dlittle.

DDMom, I really enjoyed our quickie meeting. It was what I had hoped for (except for my klutz behavior – I misplaced my keys right in my pocket :D) and much much more. I hope you have reached home safely and slowly settling into your new wonderful adventure.

Here’s to your ride!!! Cheers!

Tall Tales

Some random chit-chat --

Kochunni goes to a family daycare – basically a daycare that’s run in the back of house, its usually limited to 4-10 kids so has a friendly environment. Currently at his daycare he has a new ‘aunty’. She is a Punjabi lady who doesn’t really chat with you – just smiles and bring Kochunni’s bag to me. I assume she does not know Hindi or English.

A few days ago while getting Kochunni ready for daycare – I said to him
“Get ready soon, don’t we have to go play with your friends” Kochunni goes on to name all his friends. I take the opportunity and ask him about his teachers/aunties – You play with aunty S right. He shakes his head and says I play with Deepa Aunty. I say yes you like her. What about the other aunty? What’s her name? He looks at me for a sec and says “Vasudha” I am impressed. I go on to tell my husband about it. We are extremely pleased at his memory.

That evening while picking him up from daycare I ask Aunty S – so is that new lady’s name Vasudha – she looks surprised and says no. No one here was named Vashudha! We are dumbstruck.

When I get home I ask Kochunni again what is her name – he sticks to his guns – Her name is Vasudha. Rather than fight him, I use a different tactic, Who told you so? I ask. He replies “Achan” (daddy)

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I smell poop. Let’s go Kochunni – need to change the diaper. Noooooooooooo! Come on or you will get a rash soon – lets go.

Unjah!

Huh?

Unjah!

Oh you want to wait 5 minutes?
** nodding his head in a yes **

That’s too long sweetie, let’s go

Moo-nah

Three? Now you want to wait 3 minutes!
Darn! When did you become such a good negotiator?