Family

I am an only child. There I said it loud and clear. Now go on think back to all the readings you might have on this blog - do I sound selfish, bratty, aggressive, lonely, or even spoiled rotten? I can deny it, but you would want to talk to my mom or dad first, wouldn't you? I get it, it’s the bad reputation that we ‘only children’ have. But from my perceptive, family comes in all shapes and sizes. I recall the first time I saw the Pride and Prejudice I wondered quite extensively how cool it might be to be in a family of 5 sisters - the Bennet sisters seemed like the epitome of sisterly love and it wasn't until I actually read the book that the various layers of book made it clear, or I probably became less romantic. Did I get lonely during my childhood days - yes, there were those days. But I learned to entertain myself. Did I get completely pampered – no I don’t think so. Our house had the “majority rule” policy, so that for many decisions if mom and dad joined forces I had no way of getting away!

Now that I am having a second, I think a lot about how the family dynamics would change when the little angel arrives. Already, my husband complains how I spoil Kochunni – no not with toys but sheer hugging and cuddling every day. In my mind though this is the only time – in a few years he probably would want to walk away from it all. Then all I have would be memories and I want a treasure-trove of them. But back again to family, I know of many sisters, many brothers and many brothers and sisters – but I haven’t been part of that – that is not until a few weeks from now. In a few weeks time my only child will be first born, “dethroned” to accommodate the younger child. I wonder about his reactions from awe & curiosity to jealously and even anger. And what about the younger child? Would he complain that he never received the one-on-one attention or about the fact that he always be the baby of the family?

What about the dynamics of having two kids at home. We are already wrestling with the idea of daycare, school and other costs. I cannot even comprehend how the emotional and physical ride might be? I think I am mentally prepared to have the second baby, but feelings of doubt often do creep up. What especially worries me is when I hear stories about how much kids fight and don't get along with each other and when that flows into their adulthood. But even with a multitude of questions, one single thought emerges – family is an ever-growing constant. By birth or by choice the family grows and multiplies but it is still the one constant in most of our lives.

So I realize that all I can promise my little ones is to provide a “home” full of fights and fairness, laughter and sadness, ups and downs – a place where commitment to family and love will supersede other choices.

The family - that dear octopus from whose tentacles we never quite escape, nor, in our inmost hearts, ever quite wish to. ~ Dodie Smith