Way of the Life

A friend commented on Facebook a while ago -

"8 year old kids today have Facebook, Twitter, phones, iPod. When I was there age, I had a coloring book, crayons, chalk, and imagination." A lot of responses lamented the fact that today's kids have the latest tech gadgets and have no three dimensional friends.

My take on this is entirely different.

As a parent, I think 8 years is too young to be on Facebook or Twitter; but many 8 year olds have a Wii or X-box and play many online games. By the time they are in their early teens, they are sure to have a Facebook account. I can't even imagine how these kids will be when they are adults in their 30s and 40s. Would they have hit a "thousands of friend" mark or invented new things by then?

But going back to the statement, it doesn't seem fair when you take step back and look at the bigger picture ... did our parents have TV when they were kids or did their parents have radio when our parents were kids... no! Every generation has invented something new and shiny that changed our way of life up until then ... children fought with parents to get those coveted items, and parents set out to set time limits and curfews around them.

One big change though is that with the Internet things like Facebook, iPhones, Twitter all happened in a relatively short period of time, which took many by surprise - completely foreign a while ago when inventions seem to take a much longer time period to occur. Information is fast paced were before one had to wait for the 9 o'clock news to know what even happened within one's own country or state.

Going back to the statement, maybe we are moving into a world of no more crayons and brushes for art, but on the other hand the kids today are connected to their school friends forever, instead of searching Facebook to find them and re-connect after years. They can be connected to their teachers and families from all parts of the world, where their past is essayed into pictures and videos that can live on forever. We cannot be sure what all this means but hopefully when we are grandparents, we can continue to look fondly at the memories and the next generation will still have a true view into the past. In my mind, everything has its good and bad. As parents we need to set limits just as my parents set what they thought was best for me. To lament about the new shiny toy is just setting ourselves to a losing battle.

Your thoughts?


*Image courtesy Google

Saying the wrong things

At Kochunni’s pre-school the teachers started a reading challenge some months ago. Every time the kids read a book they got a little magnet to take home and put on the poster. The idea is to encourage kids and give them the magnet as motivation to get through the 15 or so books. As you can imagine these are just simple books about a few pages long that help kids start to blend, rhyme and read.

A while back, Kochunni finished all the 15 books and gladly posted all the magnets on the fridge (he insisted that he wanted to get all of them before he put up anything) and that’s when we noticed that he had received two same magnets and was missing one. I told him that we take one of the similar ones to school tomorrow and exchange it for the one he was missing.

The next day when I went to pick him up I took the additional magnet and took it to the teacher. Now I might add, the teachers are usually still with other kids and the policy of the school is that if you want to chat with teachers you set up an appointment. So usually we just smile and say our goodbyes unless something has occurred like a child fell and bruised himself/herself or did not take nap or something.

So I went up to the teacher and mentioned the issue with the magnets and she started to check her cupboard to see if she had the missing magnet to give it to me. Kochunni was eagerly waiting alongside to get the same. Unfortunately she did not seem to have the one that we were missing so she asked that we check back later. Kochunni said ok and started to walk towards the door; and I was about to do the same, when the teacher said –I have to say something, today he said to a girl “I will ask my mom to kill your mom” and girl started to cry. We talked to him about it, but wondering were he got these ideas. Does he watch much television?

To say I was shocked would be like saying it rained today. I was blown over!

I told her, “no not really we only let him watch some TV over weekends which is still the kids stuff on PBS. She continued, “Its ok, he is just becoming mischievous these days, if you could also talk to him about it.” I said I sure will and looked up at Kochunni who was standing a few feet away near the door.

As I stepped out of the class, I asked him, what exactly did you do today to hear his side of the story. He immediately pouted and said he said what his teacher said he did. I asked him why that was the case and isn’t it a bad thing to say? We continued the discussion on the car ride back home. All the while he would cry at times or pout or at times try to defend himself by saying how she (the girl) would not play with him. I would try to counter each his arguments from pointing out his mistakes and telling him how “not playing” at a certain time did not warrant such a remark from him.

In my head, I had thousands of questions and not many answers.

As I was reaching home I decided that he needed to at least acknowledge his mistake clearly so I told him that he will need to write an “I am sorry” note and take it back to his teacher the next day. When he was afraid he couldn’t do it all by himself, I told him I would help him with the spelling and that it important for forgiveness to happen. I told him that I still loved him but that I am a little sad by what he did and expect him to do better next time.

As we turned to our lane, he cried once again that now even his Ammamma will be angry with him so I promised that I will not bring this up with his grandma, as long as he promises to never do or say something like this ever again. He nodded his head solemnly at me. Upon reaching home he rushed to have his snack and when I asked him about the note he was ready to write without a whine. He asked me again on how to give the letter and if that he could paint on the other side of the letter. I told him that I would bring it to school and it’s ok if there is no picture as this is note and not a birthday card. The next day I shared the note with his teacher. She mentioned that it was totally not necessary and smiled at me. She confirmed that there were no episodes that day.

The incident is over and a few weeks have passed. But I still question myself not only on my actions but also if this would be the last of its nature. Kochunni definitely has a temper but he is a good kid too. He possibly could have meant to say something completely different and went on to say the wrong thing or could be testing the boundaries, but I guess only time will tell if these digressions will occur again. All I can hope for is to continuing to teaching him good from bad and have the sense of mind to say/do the right thing at the appropriate time. Its at times like these that I realize the being a parent is a very hard responsibility, there are no magic answers and only time will tell if I handled the situation appropriately or not.

And off he goes ....

Walking!!!

Kunju has been trying to walk for a couple of weeks now but yesterday he seemed to be more sure of himself and took many steps together. He still prefers to go on all fours when he wants to reach something quickly but he is definitely more sure of himself as he take steps towards us.

With his Ammamma and Muthu around he seems to be learning new tricks everyday from giving us High-fives, to knowing where the trash goes to switch on the lights and open garage doors for us in the morning. His antics seems never-ending. Every day he wants to listen to "Paatu" (songs) on the large TV (TV is connected to player that streams Pandora music) - so much that he knows the order in which we turn the gadgets on. He will give us the TV remote first and then the DVD remote. His vocabulary is still limited to "Amma", "Acta" (dad), "Ettan" (brother) and Paattu. But he converses with us greatly by pointing to things and tweaking his tone of voice - questioningly at time to more urgently when he wants things to be done his way.

Kunju is becoming more assertive (read screaming mad) at times when Kochu grabs the toys from his tiny fingers. If that doesn't help he looks at one of the adults and cries out hoping that one of us might admonish Kochu. We are trying to instill upon both brothers that they need to share the toys and yet at the same time take turns when they play with one, though its a lot more tougher when you a baby who doesn't understand the concept. Of course, he loves his big brother. Any time he gets he is hugging, kissing (read drooling over him), laughing out loud with his brother. If left alone, he loves to pull things out - our hairs, the kitchen drawers, the books from the bookshelf, anything he can lay his hands on. Nothing according to this 13 month old should be in its place but rather on the ground or more ideally in his mouth.

He eyes our food like a hawk and any chance he gets loves to try them out and goes at it with relish that one would think he was starving up until that very moment. But the cutest thing he does these days is when we asks him where is Kunju is, he uses his little index finger to point at himself and smiling brightly at us.



Here's to you my baby, keep smiling, keep laughing.

The Big One

Happy Birthday, my baby.
Happy Birthday!! Happy Birthday, Kunju.


Today was a double whammy celebration at our house, with Vishu falling again on the 15th of April and our little baby turning one, and yes we had a blast.

We set up the Vishukani the previous night and also talked about it to Kochu so that when we would wake him up early morning he will not be upset. As expected, the appealing factor to him was about hearing about "vishukaineetum".

Early morning, Amma set up the diyas and woke the rest of us. After we saw the beautiful kani, I woke up Kochu and holding my hands over his eyes brought him over to see the beautiful sight. An hour later Kunju woke up and we brought him to see the beautiful array of things. He seemed to be intrigued with all the items and kept pointing out to things. He received Vishukaineetum from him Ammamma in form of a gold chain and I continued the tradition of silver coins for the boys. With all the family around, Kochu also made $30 that he been asking to buy chocolate with. (I have kept the money away telling him that we will buy soccer cleats instead, lets hope he will agree at the time of actual shopping).

Post breakfast and bath, everyone got to wear the new clothes and the ladies started to prepare the sadya. We made the usual suspects with avial, moru curry, payasam, papadam, ingi thaiyer. Since it was Kunju's birthday we also ordered a small cake at the local shop. By evening both the boys were on sugar high and Kunju seemed to be in seventh heaven having tasted most of the treats for the first time. He also received a little musical toy to which he kept dancing. In the evening we made a trip to the temple and had a good meal together as a family once more. By the end, everyone was tired and ready to hit the bed by 10.

Looking back at the day, the day was indeed is a great day. Somehow having family around and just knowing its a special day puts a smile on everyone. The big party with friends is not until next week and my party planning will be in full swing next week.

As the celebrations continue, here's to you my little one. Hope, Wish and Pray for many more wonderful days.

In Memory

Dressed in a white, full-sleeve shirt and a mundu I remember my Chachan (maternal grandfather) as a very God fearing, humble, down-to-earth person. For as long as I can remember his mornings were spent in reciting Gita and other prayers, the only break he took was for a half an hour for breakfast and then he would go back to his prayers until afternoon. After his prayers he would offer everyone in the house some Chandanam or flowers. In those days, I found the whole meditation process needless to say boring … I would much rather sleep in, waking up around 10-11 AM and having a late breakfast that my dear ammamma (grandma) would have made. Sometimes when he would be done with his prayers and bring the chandanam, I would still be in my pajamas and he would give me a knowing, mischievous smile (a smile that I see reflected in Kochunni).

Most summer vacations, I spent my time in Bangalore and it was during late evenings that my grandfather had the time to spend with me. He would tell me stories of Krishna’s exploits or books that he had read like The Three Musketeers or we would point out the stars and the planets on a starry night. He had a wealth of knowledge that he was ready to share, never treating me like a baby but would rather discuss matters.

One summer afternoon I remember our trip to watch the movie Durga. After the movie was over and everyone was discussing its merits, my grandfather mentioned he was disappointed with it and when pressed further he said, "I assumed the movie was about Goddess Durga, and not the standard run-of-the-mill affairs". We must have told the above story umpteenth times to family and friends and had a hearty laugh, but today when that man passed away I regret not realizing his innocence and his unshakable faith of God. I never recall him preaching his faith or his way of life to anyone - not to me or to any of his 5 kids but he seemed to have a firm belief in Lord Guruvayoorappan; so much so that even at age 90 he was ready to make a trip to Kerala for His darshan. He was always ready, willing and able to take on any challenge that life would throw at him.

When I was back in Bombay, he would tell me to write him letters describing in detail my school trips and other mundane activities. He would always respond with warmth and insight in the next correspondence. In a way, he instilled in me a love for writing.

A few years ago, he had been very sick and was at the hospital. I myself being here only had conversations with my mom about his health and battle to survive. At that time the memory of my gradma passing was still quite fresh - I had seen her last at my own wedding and was never able to a say a proper goodbye. I could only pray and hope that he survived, and for some unknown reason I was drawn to a picture of myself, my Ammamma (grandma) and chachan(grandfather) from my younger days. I looked straight at Ammamma and asked her to be patient and somehow make my dear chachan live on, and that I was not ready to let go just yet. And he did live on to see me and later my son and even learn about my second pregnancy.

This lovely, wonderful person passed away last April. I firmly believe that he joined my ammamma (grandma) in Heaven and they are now looking down on us happy and content that they are finally together -- forever. I do regret that he did not get a chance to meet Kunju, but one of the unexplainable little things, Kunju was born exactly 13 days after his passing.

This year as Kunju’s birthday approaches I remember those wonderful evenings of stories, those mornings waking up to a loud, distinct voice reciting the Sanskrit hymns, the wonderful man I knew as my Chachan. Love you, forever!!!!

The Gentleman's Game

I am a definite lover of sports, and cricket like many Indians is one of my favorites - to watch, to cheer and to cry. Though I haven't followed it closely for many years now especially after moving to US, I still get connected when there is a big event like the World Cup. That is to say to some extent.

When they make Sachin Tendular into a modern day God and idolize him I find the whole matter dis-respectful to my faith and ridiculous to say the least. I understand that he is a good, ok maybe a great player, but thats it. He does what anyone else does on a daily basis. Be good at our chosen profession. Dumb luck that some of our professions is not so colorful as one might have hoped for and we don't get the same mass following that he does. But everything else is the same. Of course he can be an inspiration to the team, but what else would you expect of a seasoned player, or a VP of a company? Good folks in turn lead the rest and continue to do so in all walks of life.

Now the game, I love it. I can watch a good match and sit at the edge of the seat cheering our team. But I don't get completely sucked into it either and I don't want to. To those who have superstitions on what color of shirt to wear to a match to which God to ask favor on, I say it doesn't matter at the end of the day. Only the best team (yes TEAM) wins. Take our final match for example, at the beginning it looked like Sri Lanka would be all out for something like 150 but they came back and gave us a score that would give any team some fear. Then when we started our wickets fell like ripe apples. Even now I recall the face of a lady on the stands as they announced that Sachin was out - her mouth wide open, the shock and almost fear of us losing was well written in her eyes. But then Ghambir stayed on and turned the pace somewhat into our favor. Yet up until the last few balls, it was a tight race on who will become champions.

But post the win, we are back at being ridiculous and seemed to have crossed the lines of jubilation! One can offer an incentive to win, to do well on a job but only so much. If the BCCI has already offered 10M per player, you don't need states offering up their states player additional money or offer land for each of the players. This is all excluding their pockets over-flowing from endorsements they do. To be fair, since companies are answerable to their shareholders so at least they are likely to ensure the player continue to endorse the products. But states spending so much money without a care in the world for its people seems outright unfair.

I still will stand-by the good game of cricket, but will not stand by for this. But for the time being I am proud of these boys, they delivered. What a victory!!! I don't remember the last World Cup win, but this one will be etched in memory. Hats off to you Team India. Good work!


* pics courtesy Google pics

Off we went

Just got back from a 3 week trip to India – specifically Bangalore and what a time it was. To start off I was traveling for the first time with two kids. I knew going in it would be one hell of a 24 hours but all I could think of was seeing family and friends after a gap of almost two years that I was without worry. As it turned out the forward journey went off without too many hassles. I got a bassinet seat row, so there was enough space for the little one to move about; and with many Disney movies on the flight Kochu was entertained and his day was made with watching 3-4 movies in a span of 18 hours.

Once in Bangalore, Kochu had the best time by going to every shop with his Muthu on the scooter. Every time Muthu stepped out to run to the local shop he would want to join him and insist on taking the scooter even if the shop was within walking distance. Another highlight of the trip was watching TV – cartoons like Chota Bheem, Krishna and Balram ran non-stop continuously. He enjoyed their adventures so much that he now considers himself Balram, and the baby Krishna. He was in seventh heaven when I found a small plastic "gadha" that he now brandishes around.

Unfortunately all wasn’t peachy with jet lag the first week and then Kunju’s fever during the middle of the vacation. He really scared us by getting a 103 degree fever. The bigger issue was trying to find a doctor at short notice. We had to call our neighbors and cousins who had young kids to see who their paediatrician was, find out if the doctor practiced close to where we live so that we could get their quickly (Bangalore traffic is horrendous). After some frantic couple of hours we found a doctor and met with him. It turns out he had a virus infection and with 2 days of medication he was much better; though he seemed to have lost his appetite all-together. This was a real damper as by the end of the trip the little one lost at least a couple of pounds and looked pretty weak though he was still active and vibrant self.

For a change this vacation was unlike my previous trips to India in respect of traveling back and forth within India. We stayed at my mom’s house and to me it was truly a vacation with complete rest and a few shopping days thrown in for retail therapy. My best friend from college came down from Mumbai and we had a great 2 days of bonding and laughter. Even Kochu warmed up to her so quickly that it seemed he had known her all along and I was the outsider! After a long time or sorts, we even did a small Bangalore tour for my friends benefit and it was nice to see Lalbaug and other prominent places as an adult. The traffic and the congestion of Bangalore was quite apparent and like my friend I missed the convenience of Mumbai trains.

The highlight of the trip was just being away from the daily grind and spending a much needed time with the company of the two boys. It seems every time I stop and look at them, I realize how much they have grown and continue to.

Kunju's affairs

Kunju has been keeping a pretty low profile on the blog, though that is not the case at home. He is a very vibrant kid, though being in awe of his big brother he seems much more laid back.

It's now 9+ months since he joined us and as Kochu's euphoria has died down he can't seem to wait for Kunju to join the fun. He still wants to help though he wants to keep touching the baby much more. But Kunju's personality sometimes shines through as he starts to yell when his big brother keeps tugging his arm. Of course, the moment I separate the two and big brother walks away in a huff, the little cheek follows him leaving me wide eyed!!! The bond of brothers and all that ... I guess. But I am getting ahead of myself. Since last year turned out to be very less time on bogging and the poor fella did not seem to get a fair share, I decided to pen all my memories of the last 4 months down.

After his Choroonu Kunju started on rice cereal and post 6-month checkup gone on to some carrots, avocados, peas and bananas. He eats them with relish though seems to show what he doesn't like just as easily. His motor skills are much advanced especially when we compare him to his brother as he already starting to stand up and even taking a few steps along the sofa. Its probably the fact that there is an older child in the house that makes him want to explore faster.

He loves to babble and a few words shine through like the constant "Amma" or "yee-tha" for ettan (older brother). Sometimes when we spend hours talking about his nose or book, he seems to repeat it back to us. He loves listening to my bad singing with an all knowing smile that makes me want to cuddle him some more. If we play one of the jazzy Bollywood song he starts to shake his butt to the tune and sometimes come running to me expecting me to hold him and dance. A true music lover!

He pretends to know more about the TV remote than we do and expects every time he picks it up; the TV will turn on automatically turning his head constantly towards it. Of course with an older brother at home it is much harder for us to keep the TV out of his life, though we have managed it to some extent.

Sometimes on weekends, he seems to forget that everyone is home and every time he sees a new person he acts surprised and runs to them like he missed them for ever. It works like a charm on the people, enough for us to pick him up and now carry him around everywhere.

The two boys are truly an entertaining pair and in some ways I can't wait to see them grow up together - playing, fighting, loving each other and at the same time I want it to go real slow - for me to cherish the baby-ness of my little one.