Happy Birthday Big Boy

As superheros becomes part of your car and truck collections, as you become a little taller, as you turn from a toddler into a BIG boy, I wish you the very best.

Kochunni still has the charms that can steal my heart, the smile that lights up his eyes, and when he knows he has been naughty that very smile turns into a giggle that puts a twinkle in his eyes. Even though he loves to play in his imaginary world he cannot be a second alone in a room and much rather play where every one else is; though if he notices one of us watching him he gets very upset. TV and videos have a grand appeal, but a good book can keep him occupied for sometime too. He is still shy among strangers, but he seems to make friends with kids at the park very easily (which I hope will come in handy next month as he goes to the new school). He is often lazy and lacking in patience (like me, says Amma). But still when the mood strikes, he is a great helper.

Kochu has taken on the role of brother with perfect ease (kala tikka). He sings to the baby and scolds his Ammamma when the baby is crying asking her to take the baby immediately to me to be fed. And even though sometimes he tries to play with him by pulling his arms or patting his nose a little roughly, there is no doubt in my mind that he loves him unconditionally.

We ended up with two birthday parties, one for family and friends at the local Pump-it up and another one at his daycare/school. Kochunni was particular about superhero cakes to order (Transformers and Iron Man) and enjoyed all the attention showered on him. He kept telling anyone who would listen that he was a 4 year old "BIG" boy. :)

Here's to you my dear 4 year old. Wish you the best Birthday today and always.

*image courtesy Google search

Transitions

It's my last week of leave. As usual, 3 months flew by quickly and it feels like there was not enough time to spend with the baby.

My heart very openly desires more time, so much so that I secretly wish for some sort of a lottery ticket that would help us financially just enough that I could maybe work part time or not at all for a few extra months. On the other hand, I have to be thankful for many things that is definitely going to help me go back to work with peace of mind. My parents have extended their stay till end of year, which means Kunju can stay at home with them, my boss has agreed to let me work from home couple of hours each day which is a huge relief. It hopefully reduces the number of bottle feedings and in turn pumping and storing issues of breast milk.

Unfortunately, Kunju is yet to learn the fine art of bottle feeding. The blame lies on me, as I started the transition training just couple of days ago. Though we had been warned by his pediatrician to start training at least 2-3 weeks in advance, I did not want to give up the special time with him. It is peculiar how the heart and mind wants to extend the ties when you know time is limited. Where I on one hand waited until the last week of leave to start the training, a stay at home mom has bottle trained her baby at 2 months of age.

As another ball gets added into my role of juggler, I am thankful for having such wonderful parents who are ready to help us out and sad to know that some of time will be divided at work. It also makes me realize that the little stay-cation that was the last few months - random mid-week picnics, late night movies, day trips around the Bay area, shopping and spending tons of time with the family - was indeed the best vacation ever!

A little secret

Some secrets in life you can learn from watching babies.

Kunju might still be learning the ways of the world, but he can easily teach you a thing or two about living life. He always goes to sleep with a smile on his face and wakes up with another one. He amazingly watches people's face and gives them the widest possible smile that can melt even a rock. Whenever I watch these two gestures, it reminds me how easy it is for a person to steal your heart and make their day.

It reminds me of Krishna - the child with the infectious
smile who could melt Yashoda's heart after being caught eating curds, the youth with a loving smile who could make Gopikas dance in merry, and the knowing smile with which He answered Partha's questions.

Smile is a universal gesture that needs no learning. It needs no language to be understood. It has no boundaries and it will forever remain a youthful symbol of love, happiness and joy.

As one gets older, the act of smiling becomes more of an effort. One can think of a million reasons why its just plain hard to give a genuine smile, but when you look at the baby they make it so easy. After all, isn't life made up of these tiny moments, the fleeting second that is gone before you know it existed?

So smile in your sleep and you will have pleasant dreams, smile when you meet a person and you can make their day and look good in the process, and most of all smile when it gets difficult for Krishna is always with you. All one needs is to look inwards and see Him. Smile and spread love for He is not going to give you anything you cannot handle nor is He going to ever desert you.

Every time you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing. ~Mother Teresa

A friendly look, a kindly smile, one good act, and life's worthwhile. ~Author Unknown

It takes a lot of work from the face to let out a smile, but just think what good smiling can bring to the most important muscle of the body... the heart. ~Author Unknown

*image courtesy Google search

Its different

It's around 1 AM and I am wide awake typing up this little thought into my iPhone.

These days being awake for feedings are easier and far more interesting; catching up on news, checking updates from friends on Facebook and of course reading up on blogs has becoming a customary outing at night. Four years ago with Kochu the nightly feedings in comparison was much more mundane, almost archaic in comparison.

It's amazing how things have changed in four years. In comparison, so much more would have been different when my mother gave birth to me. No baby monitors, no fancy musical swings, no car seats!

Can you imagine how much more it would change by the time our kids become parents?

*Image courtesy via Google Search

I want ...

About four days ago, Kochunni asked me for a car - to be specific a "Dinoco car" from the Cars movie. This was not the first thing he asked us for. There have been other things before - like the time at the shop when he asked for a toy car or when he told me his friends have a "big Iron man" and he would like to have one too. If we are out shopping, I would tell him that we came to the shop to buy something else not his toy and he would understand, or if we are at home I would tell him to pick up another car from the already overflowing collection. But this time it was different.

He never once relented. Every couple of hours he would ask, so when are we going to the shop to buy the car? So much so, that it was the first thing he asked me the next morning, 'Can we go to the shop today?' and then again on our way back from daycare, "Are we going now to the shop?" Two days of continuous questions. There was a couple of tears that followed, a little drama around "You are not buying it" but mostly the questions were it. The fact that he pursued it for two continuous days were most amazing to me.

My mind was in turmoil. The car probably would not cost much and I would have the pleasure of seeing his bright smile, at his wish being fulfilled; but a nagging thought persisted about teaching him values, about learning the difference between needs and wants. I talked to him, on how I cannot get all the cars his heart desires, Amma knows no magic I said. But he persisted, I have been a good boy he duly noted. Of course you have, but we are not shopping right now. I will think about it. After all you have so many similar cars, even McQueen the main car. But I don't have The King. I don't want Chick Hicks - he is the bad car, just Dinoco. And so it went. Little pep talks that followed his questions. But he persisted, in his little way.

In the end, I did buy him the car and I got to see his lovely smile. Later, he showed it off to everyone at home, even little Kunju and promised to share when he grew up.

This surely is not the last episode of a little desire that his heart will have but the first one that he pursued. I might not have done the right thing by buying the car, it might come to haunt me when he insists on the next toy. Then again, hard lessons take time to learn. I need to learn them too - on when he needs a little indulgence and when I need to draw the line. It's a hard road for both of us, but the road must be taken. So when the next 'want' comes along I will need to be better prepared for the both of us. Good luck to both of us.

*Image courtesy Google search

Mind that checker...

A spellchecker is a very handy tool. But remember its just that - a tool. It cannot replace proofreading. Repeat, it cannot replace proofreading.

I am enclosed herewith - Guess we are living in the Matrix after all?

Bare in mind to leave there things where you find them. - Your 'naked' mind is probably best to be left inside 'were' you are likely to find them easily.

Perfectly sound sentences if you check with a spellchecker. But even a customary glance can tell you something is wrong with the sentence. I often get emails at work, were folks have used the wrong word or used grammar incorrectly. In their hurry to send that email they forget the simple action of proofreading our teachers taught us.


(This post is being sent over to The Red Marker Blogathon being hosted by Sue.)

PS - Sue, I might not be following the rules here exactly, but I seem to run across this issue a tad much these days.

The ties of brotherhood ....

Before Kunju was born I wrote a post about changing family dynamics, about foreseeable fights between siblings. Of course family dynamics have changed - there is a toddler and a baby in the house, which means their needs, their choices are vastly different from each other. But for now the the famous siblings fights are far away. (kala tikka)

Kochu loves his brother - his baby. He helps me when its time for a diaper change, by setting up the table with a new diaper, wipes and butt rash creams. If the baby is crying he tries to sing to the baby and then like a boy that he is, and then runs away cringing his nose if the baby has pooped, yelling YUCK!

Sometimes he talks to the baby, telling him about his day at the daycare and gives strict instructions on not trying to suck his hand and to be a "good" baby. The baby for his part listens avidly and sometimes even responds with a 'ooh' or a 'ah', which in turn makes Kochu super excited. When the baby is lying down with his face away from him, Kochunni insists on one of us turning his head around to ensure that he can always see him.

Yesterday evening one such thing happened that makes this whole parenting gig a wonderful expedition. Being memorial day weekend, we made a trip to Lake Berryessa and Sacramento. We got home quite late in the evening and it seemed like the baby had a temperature. So when we got home, the first thing I did was to check his temp. Now being poked with the little thermometer was not something he liked and he started to cry almost immediately. Kochunni on the other hand ran to his toy chest and picked out his cars and started to play, while rest of the family was getting things from the car and quickly freshening up. After I checked the temperature, I tried to soothe the little guy but nothing was really working. He would stop crying for a bit and then cry again when I would put him down.

After a couple of tries, I put him down and went to get some water in the kitchen. Suddenly I heard the wail again, and I tried to talk to the baby from the kitchen, without going to him and continuing to check the fridge to figure out dinner. A second latter I hear Kochunni talking to the little guy " Endena kariyune? (Why are you crying?) Thermometer eshtaalla? (Don't like the thermometer?) Pani endo nokande. (Have to check fever, right). I put my head out of the kitchen to find Kochunni with his face very close to the baby, while the baby looking into his brothers eyes, as if seeing him for the first time, cries long forgotten.

Of course, Kochu has seen us talking to the baby, of course he himself has done the same thing many times before, but the simple gesture of stopping his own game and doing something without being asked or even told to quieten his little brother's cries was without doubt his own intrinsic nature - the unseen ties of brotherhood taking effect!

28 Days

The naming ceremony is the first major celebration in a child's life. In our community, traditionally this ceremony is performed at six months along with the Choroonu ceremony, but somewhere along the way 28th day or the one month mark caught fancy. Often until this day the baby is kept inside the house. I have heard that some other days like the 6th day, 10th day are also used by other communities to perform the naming ceremony. Last time with Kochunni, when we had asked around, we found out there were priests at the local Hindu temple who were ready to perform the ceremony at the temple or at our house for a fee. But even then we opted for the small simple affair at home.

Of course being in US means that one has to decide the name and provide the details by the 3rd day of the newborn's life to ensure birth certificates and other paperwork are completed in a timely manner. But still the "naam-karan" ceremony marks an important aspect of a child's life. Just like with Kochunni to maintain some semblance of an old, forgotten way of life we tried our best to not use the chosen name until the auspicious day. This time around though it was slightly more difficult with a 3 year old around. We had to ensure that Kochunni used the pet name or referred to his sibling as the 'baby' until this day.


Now the ceremony itself is a simple affair. We bathed and dressed the baby in traditional mundu (yellowish white cloth tied around the waist). Traditional lamps were lit in front of the alter and flowers were placed. The baby sat on his father's lap and after a little prayer he whispered his name into the baby's right ear three times for the very first time. Next, the rest of the family did the same. My mom tied a black chord around his waist along with some kajal to his eyes and cheek to ward of the evil eye. We prepared a small sadya in honor of the event and of course had a grand photo session during and after the small affair to commemorate the event.

And thus K-baby had received his name, Kunju.


The first picture is of Kochunni, while the second is Kunju. Yes, it seems baldness runs in the husband's family! :)

Little bundle of joy!

Happy Vishu!

New year came with a bang in our house with the arrival of little baby boy. Unlike Kochunni who was late and kept us waiting for weeks on end, this guy ended up being early. At 6 lbs and 3 oz, 20 inches long he is our little Vishukaineetum, being born on April 15th.

This wonderful tax-deduction was pleasantly welcomed by Kochunni. He has become my little helper - helping me during diaper changes and feeding times. The little guy for his part does his part well - sleeping, crying, eating. Of course, tiredness, sleeplessness is part of the package. But with a great family to help out its been a crazy, wonderful, busy first week.

The last weeks ...

Towards the end of the “being pregnant” stage of life. This is likely to be my last which means in a way it’s truly the last few weeks of eating what I want (ok mom/husband pretend you did not read this), of baby kicks, of being round and proud of it. It’s end of a chapter and of course it will begin a new more challenging and hopefully a fulfilling one.

In a way I can't wait to meet the little angel, and at times I worry about all the things that I have still to do. With Kochunni I seemed to have been more prepared. This time around I have a ton of stuff that I just need to sort through, though a few things are pending - shopping for some more outfits, laundry, decorating the crib. It will be a busy week before the baby arrives as I take time off from work, but hopefully I can get some much needed rest as well.

On another front, Kochunni now sleeps on his very own bunk bed and though still prefers to calls either his Achan or I to bed when he wakes up at night, he is officially a big boy (Anti-Jinx). The arrival of the baby, the need for Amma to be at the hospital for a few days, setting his expectation that the baby will not immediately play with him but probably just sleep and cry for most of the day has been part of the last few conversations with Kochunni. Some library books about baby's arrival have become regular bed time reads. Now how much of the ideas have sunk in, only time will tell. Laugh if you might, but to keep the transition as smooth as possible, at a suggestion of friend, I also bought a couple of gifts for Kochunni that the 'baby' will give his big brother, when they meet! (ok its pathetic, I know!)

The wait is almost over, the meeting inevitable, by my next post Kochunni will be older brother, I will be a 2nd time mom and yet rest is still unwritten .....

Family

I am an only child. There I said it loud and clear. Now go on think back to all the readings you might have on this blog - do I sound selfish, bratty, aggressive, lonely, or even spoiled rotten? I can deny it, but you would want to talk to my mom or dad first, wouldn't you? I get it, it’s the bad reputation that we ‘only children’ have. But from my perceptive, family comes in all shapes and sizes. I recall the first time I saw the Pride and Prejudice I wondered quite extensively how cool it might be to be in a family of 5 sisters - the Bennet sisters seemed like the epitome of sisterly love and it wasn't until I actually read the book that the various layers of book made it clear, or I probably became less romantic. Did I get lonely during my childhood days - yes, there were those days. But I learned to entertain myself. Did I get completely pampered – no I don’t think so. Our house had the “majority rule” policy, so that for many decisions if mom and dad joined forces I had no way of getting away!

Now that I am having a second, I think a lot about how the family dynamics would change when the little angel arrives. Already, my husband complains how I spoil Kochunni – no not with toys but sheer hugging and cuddling every day. In my mind though this is the only time – in a few years he probably would want to walk away from it all. Then all I have would be memories and I want a treasure-trove of them. But back again to family, I know of many sisters, many brothers and many brothers and sisters – but I haven’t been part of that – that is not until a few weeks from now. In a few weeks time my only child will be first born, “dethroned” to accommodate the younger child. I wonder about his reactions from awe & curiosity to jealously and even anger. And what about the younger child? Would he complain that he never received the one-on-one attention or about the fact that he always be the baby of the family?

What about the dynamics of having two kids at home. We are already wrestling with the idea of daycare, school and other costs. I cannot even comprehend how the emotional and physical ride might be? I think I am mentally prepared to have the second baby, but feelings of doubt often do creep up. What especially worries me is when I hear stories about how much kids fight and don't get along with each other and when that flows into their adulthood. But even with a multitude of questions, one single thought emerges – family is an ever-growing constant. By birth or by choice the family grows and multiplies but it is still the one constant in most of our lives.

So I realize that all I can promise my little ones is to provide a “home” full of fights and fairness, laughter and sadness, ups and downs – a place where commitment to family and love will supersede other choices.

The family - that dear octopus from whose tentacles we never quite escape, nor, in our inmost hearts, ever quite wish to. ~ Dodie Smith

Random (cheesy) updates! :)

Finally my genes seeping through ...


A voracious reader in the making - lounging on the chair, covered in my favorite blanket lost in the world of words (so what, if he is just looking at pictures - its the pose that matters!)













I was in for a surprise on Thursday as I picked up my voice mail at my office phone. The receptionist informed me that I had some flowers that I could pick up, and believe me that was out of the blue, so I listened to the message again. As I went down to get the flowers my colleagues teased me about it and I blushed like a new bride. Yes indeed there were flowers waiting for me - a beautiful bouquet of red roses and daisies from my husband and he was thoughtful enough to add Kochunni's and baby's name as well to the card.

Thank you, my dear. This just made my day! X0X0!



Happy Valentine's Day!

Pregnancy so far ...

So after the scare a few months ago, pregnancy is going well currently (kala tikka). It is actually fun - I can feel the baby move around quite a bit and the kicks are quite a tickle. I often try to grab Kochunni’s hands when the baby is moving to let him feel the baby but so far haven’t been very successful; maybe a couple of times but I am not sure if Kochunni has really felt it, since the kicks are still so light. Sometimes I look at my ever growing tummy to see if I can see the little jabs but that hasn’t happened either. I am sure all in good time.

Best thing of all, I am already looking forward to my time off for maternity. Last time around this was a great time of bonding, sleeping, movies, books and my venture into the blog world. You can tell, I am glossing over the nightly feeds, diaper changes, the advent of colic around evening and many such not so pleasant memories. But by far the good times outweigh the troubles. I am sure I am would be singing a different tune post-baby, so writing this post to jot down my feelings today to remind me that everything is a phase.

I hope to enjoy the cuddles, the gurgles and one more ride into mommy-hood! Wish me luck!

Where are we?

So it’s been a week of rain, strong winds, and then a tornado warning! There have been flooding on local streets and days that look like evenings. The sun hasn't been visible and being stuck up in house all day, does makes us all pretty dull. And to think that this is supposedly sunny California!?!



Our garden is overgrown with weeds, my jasmine plant stooped over due to the high winds, but a ray of hope - the tulips we planted right before Christmas are sprouting.



Let’s hope spring is not far away!

The stick figures

As I read UTBT's post a few days ago about the stages of growth in a kids speech, art, music – their development; I lamented about Kochunni still in the scribbles phase. Of course he was coloring (inside the lines even, mostly) on the coloring sheets he was given, but drawing on his own was still scribbles – just lines going all over the white board or paper. He would claim it was the fish, the lion or whatever his fancy was at that moment, and I would agree that it was nice. Sometimes he would ask me to draw and I would draw a car, the sun, the jeep, or even the birds for him, hoping eventually he will get the hang of things. Today that milestone happened.

Kochunni was at home today, and since I was working I asked him about going out for a walk – maybe ride the bike to spend some time and energy. It was sunny but still cold, so I bundled him up. But then Ammamma (grandma) and Muthu (grandpa) were not ready yet. So I asked him to wait for them. As he walked by the white board, he picked up the red colored pen lying on the shelf and started to draw. First a circle and then two lines out and then two dots. He turned around and claimed it was Achan (daddy). Mom and I had a wide grin as we realized he just scribbled his first stick figure. So we encouraged him. He went on to draw himself and then went back to draw some “meesha” (mustache) for his dad. When I asked him where I am, he set out to draw me – and, this is a big thing, he drew the baby inside me. Now of course, some of our hands might be coming out of the head and there are just two strands of hair everyone is sprouting, and I seem to have a blob of hair on top of my head – but eh the family picture is drawn. Here it is, right to left - Achan (daddy), himself and then me with the baby.



After he came back from his walk he wanted to draw again, so after I took a snap he cleaned the white board. This time around instead of the family came the crow eating lunch on a tree, with water flowing beneath for the crow to have a drink after lunch. The drawing is still present on the white board with strict instructions to all of us to not erase it – not even when he is sleeping. He wants this to be a surprise for daddy when he comes home from work. For now, he is back to playing with his toy trains but I wanted to record his first works of art for posterity sake.


I guess I should have been patient, but that is an area that I still need to develop - we parents are always in a rush. I think back to Kochunni's first year and how many of his milestones just seemed to happen when the time was right and this time again he did it. I am not sure if this was a coincidence or some superior power working His magic, in some ways telling me not to rush things but let them be, to provide the space for the little one to grow and grow-up he shall and when I look back to this day - it would all seemed to have gone through all too very quickly!

Indoor activities

Winter days are a challenge when you have a toddler at home. Over time though 'we' have up with some little ideas to spend a few hours of fun together. I say 'we' because some of these are things that Kochunni has helped carve along the way.

• Role Playing – Kochunni becomes the teacher, while we become his students. Of course it’s a good way to get Kochunni to talk about his activities at school and listen to him sing new songs. A win-win situation for everyone. Sometimes another good game is to play with the doctor set. Kochunni usually recalls all the process from the last doctor visit even asking us to breathe in & out as he checks us out with his stethoscope.


• Little Helper – Some days when Kochunni is in a good mood he turns out be really good helper. We make him sit on the platform and I let him wash the vegetables or the rice. When we make some chappati he sits on the other end dishing out instructions on how big and fluffy it will and should get. Sometimes he plays with the dough and even ends up making a small chappati for himself


• Riding the bike – This is something my mom came up with - when the days are rather cold, we park the cars outside and let Kochunni ride the bike in the garage – he runs in circles and sometimes makes his Ammamma (grandma) run after him. Though heaven forbid she should ever catch him!


• Scavenger hunt – Another hit at the house is the box of scavenger hunt cards that I bought as a return gift for Kochunni’s first year party and I had one left over. When I opened it when he was still 2 and ½ all he wanted was to play (read bend) the cards so I had to put them away. But recently it has become a fun activity. Some of the items are so easy to understand that he doesn’t need my help to pick a red colored object or a shoe, while others I just need to read the card out to him. He is also the judge of what rest of the family picks out and though I try to sway his opinion in the right direction he often has the final word on who got all the correct items.


• Misc - Music masti is also a fun way to get the little guy to shake his butt. Sometimes making him tell a story is a great way to see how his mind works. Another easy activity is painting especially finger painting or stamping.
  

With all of these one thing that stands out is the fact that Kochunni gets distracted very easily. Within a few minutes of the game (max about 15 minutes) he decides he is done with the game even if we are only through the middle of it. I do hope this attitude changes in due course. This is another reason that most common games like Memory or Candy Land only last through one game, and that too after weeks of inactivity.

So what about you guys - how do you get your toddler to have fun during sometimes deary days of winter?

Movie Time

I probably watched a record number of movies over the last two weeks of 2009 than compared to the whole year. So much so that now every time I would switch on the movie Kochunni would stop playing with his cars and run shouting “Samayam Aayee” (Its time) and sit down cross-legged on the floor, with a wicked grin lighting up his face. Then when the movie would not start immediately but rather the credits would start to roll, he would impatiently look at me as if I did something wrong with the DVD.

3 Idiots turned out to be a great movie, equal doses of laughter and sadness, wonderfully placed songs, good acting and overall a great performance. The climax though a little melodramatic worked for the movie and I am eagerly waiting to watch the movie again on DVD at home. Even though the movie has a lot of well-placed humor it wasn’t a kid friendly movie by any measure and a couple of scenes were probably downright inappropriate for kids, so my two cents if you can leave the kids behind take that option.

Whats your Rashee turned out to be somewhat better than expected, probably because our expectations were lower. Priyanka actually pulled off her 12 roles with some of them executed especially well, though Harman was disappointing. But worst of all was the climax which was a total let down, which is I think the reason reason why the movie so unsuccessful, of course having 13 songs also doesn’t help unless all of them are equally great numbers either. My two cents, keep this movie for a lazy afternoon and if you have some Gujju friends call them over for some time pass!

Rocket Singh - Salesman of the Year was the movie we watched on New Year’s Eve rather late into the night. Turns out Ranbir Kapoor is – an absolutely great performer, he does well as the underdog that as audience we want to cheer him along though not for a moment do we feel that he is unreal. The story is executed well from all points of view, the office politics –the bickering colleagues over sales quota to party nights when the team hits the numbers ; as well as the little love story of the main protagonist. The supporting characters from the receptionist, the server guy, the grandfather do their part very well and you see enough of their daily struggles that it draws you into the movie even more. Then again, it’s a slow running movie, but if you are patient you are duly rewarded with a good movie.

Twenty Ten

So would you call this year Twenty Ten or Two Thousand and ten? Would it be bad grammer or as much of the English language over the long run one wouldn't care one way or another. After all the epic question from one of my all time favourite profesors of Botany "Yeh Do (pronounced as Du) hota hai, aur Go (pronounced go) .... yeh kasie?? Do Du hai to Go GU kyon nahin ho sakta???" has never been resolved (watch the clip here). Then again it matters not what you call the year for afterall "... that which we call a rose, By any other name would smell as sweet." So here's wishing you all a boutiful year!

Happy New Year!

X-Mas Time!

Christmas weekend resulted in a trip to Dallas and spending time with family and friends. Kochunni was anxious this year to get "shoes that light up" from Santa, though luckily he did not seem to care that we will not be at our home for Santa to come. We made sure to buy the shoes and took it with us to Dallas. Rest of the christmas shopping this year turned out to be easy with online shopping.

Christmas eve had bright snowflakes hitting the ground that by evening turned the whole area into a white Christmas. After some nice dinner we put the kids to sleep and packed up all the gifts and put them under the tree. The older kids woke up early and woke up Kochunni asking him to come check out the treasures that Santa had left behind. Everyone got what they had wished for and then some more. It turned out to be a great day to stay indoors, eat wonderful food and watch a movie. This weekend seemed like the back-to-back movie outing that started out with 3 Idiots at the theater, Wake up Sid, Whats your Rashee and all the home movies.

We also went on a photo session for the kids and as it turns out my son is a teenager already when it comes to photo sessions – he wouldn’t look when asked to, no smiles and make absurd faces that practically made half of the photos useless. But we managed and bought a whole slew of pictures that now I need to figure where to hang them.

In all, a great Christmas weekend.

Merry Christmas!

The Amnio Test

The last post is something that I had mentally written almost a month ago but never got around to post it. First of course like many folks I waited for the crucial first trimester to tide over and then as I started to figure out a cool way to announce it the world but as I realized that it’s now or never, I had my 2nd trimester blood screen and it came back with some markers for down syndrome and that had me heart on red-alert.

It was dreadful - sleepless nights and days as a little hope rises from your heart the mind just crushes it down like someone swatting a bug.
The day I got the call from the doctor, I was actually driving back from work. I think I talked to her intelligently , just asking facts and figures. But when I hung up, the enormity of the finding hit me and I gave way for tears. I held myself as much as I could as I quickly could and picked up Kochunni from daycare. As I sat back in the car, I guess the little fella figured out something was amiss. Kochunni started to ask about why I was upset, but I would not answer. When we got home I literally ran to the bathroom and gave way to the tears. Minutes later, I told my parents who were obviously starting to worry with my strange behavior. Kochunni seemed to realize something was off and started to cry himself and kept asking why are your crying Amma. I had to help myself at that point and told him that I will not cry, but he knew that something was wrong with the baby. So I tried to just call it off as a little owie for the baby.

The doctor had suggested to do the Amniocentesis test – it’s a test where they take the fluids using a large needle from your amniotic sac and culture the cells to check if there are any chromosomal or genetic deficit. I knew it was an invasive procedure so I was leaning towards a level 2 ultrasound, which according to the doctor could only check for soft markers and could not be conclusive either way. Since it was right before the Thanksgiving holidays, I scheduled appointment for the Ultrasound the week after and tried to relax.

The internet always as omnipresent source I used it to read about the amnio test and what other folks discussed on discussion boards about it. It was a hard decision, and I wavered a lot from thinking 'Lets do it to No way'! But I was finally convinced on doing the Amnio because logically speaking this procedure provides answers with an almost 100% accuracy plus has little chance of complications. But even after the decision was made one doesn’t think logically or behave logically most of the time. So prayers and fears were part of my nights and days.

We met with the genetic counselor who talked about what I had already read and answered our questions patiently, and then we went for the ultrasound. I had assumed that even when we agree for the amnio it would be done on a later day, but the counselor told us they can do it both together. And so first the technician came in and did the ultrasound. My heart soared when I saw the little one, moving around in the tiny little space – super cute. The technician continued with many measurements and finally the doctor arrived for the procedure.

The procedure itself was not bad, they numbed the little section and watched the baby via ultrasound the whole time to ensure nothing was amiss. I was nervous and held Amma's hand throughout the whole thing looking away from the procedure and mentally thinking about good things and sending fervent prayers. It was over in a matter of minutes and the doctor joking asked me to make my husband work as I took rest for a day or two at least. I called my boss and I took rest of the day and the next day off from work. I took rest with Amma fussing over me. She even made me sleep with her just so that Kochunni doesn’t kick me or something at night. The next couple of days were easier as I was more worried about having a miscarriage that I did not think about the results, but as Monday dawned that thought could not be put further away. There seemed to be a unspoken truce within the family that none of us talked about it at home. The only person who used to ask "how the baby was doing" was Kochunni and I would tell him let’s just pray to the Guruvayoorappan to keep the baby safe and he religiously would mention it to Him after every bath.

Exactly a week later, the office called. My heart skipped a beat as I was driving to work and noticed a new number on my cell phone. I picked it up, and as the counselor told me the news that the baby is fine, no down syndrome, no spinal bifida it felt as if a weight had been lifted. I could not stop smiling as I told the lady that she just made my day. I quickly called home and passed the news to husband and my parents who were equally elated.

I did not share the news about the blood results or amnio to anyone early on – only two people apart from parents and my husband knew about it. One was my boss and second was my cousin who is a nurse by profession knew. Everyone who knew was indeed supportive and I am sure their prayers helped. But it’s not an easy thing to share even with best friends and extended family – I mean how do you even start a conversation around it? It is definitely much easier to share the joys and triumphs than our sorrows and fears. The other reason was the uncertainty – the blood results only provide a marker - a one in X chance that something could be wrong, and this seems like a burden one has to carry oneself.

Today as I write this post, I wonder if I am doing the right thing by putting it in black and white. The ordeal is behind us but the memory still fresh. Yesterday I met with the doctor and she smiled and chatted about how its considered an easy procedure – I have heard the refrain before, but the moments you go through it, you are alone, very alone. On the other hand, like my cousin said this parenting is never easy – it’s always one thing or another. But as the holidays approach, I trust there is a angel somewhere looking over all of us and I can relax and get back to worrying about what cutesy baby items I should buy.