The Amnio Test

The last post is something that I had mentally written almost a month ago but never got around to post it. First of course like many folks I waited for the crucial first trimester to tide over and then as I started to figure out a cool way to announce it the world but as I realized that it’s now or never, I had my 2nd trimester blood screen and it came back with some markers for down syndrome and that had me heart on red-alert.

It was dreadful - sleepless nights and days as a little hope rises from your heart the mind just crushes it down like someone swatting a bug.
The day I got the call from the doctor, I was actually driving back from work. I think I talked to her intelligently , just asking facts and figures. But when I hung up, the enormity of the finding hit me and I gave way for tears. I held myself as much as I could as I quickly could and picked up Kochunni from daycare. As I sat back in the car, I guess the little fella figured out something was amiss. Kochunni started to ask about why I was upset, but I would not answer. When we got home I literally ran to the bathroom and gave way to the tears. Minutes later, I told my parents who were obviously starting to worry with my strange behavior. Kochunni seemed to realize something was off and started to cry himself and kept asking why are your crying Amma. I had to help myself at that point and told him that I will not cry, but he knew that something was wrong with the baby. So I tried to just call it off as a little owie for the baby.

The doctor had suggested to do the Amniocentesis test – it’s a test where they take the fluids using a large needle from your amniotic sac and culture the cells to check if there are any chromosomal or genetic deficit. I knew it was an invasive procedure so I was leaning towards a level 2 ultrasound, which according to the doctor could only check for soft markers and could not be conclusive either way. Since it was right before the Thanksgiving holidays, I scheduled appointment for the Ultrasound the week after and tried to relax.

The internet always as omnipresent source I used it to read about the amnio test and what other folks discussed on discussion boards about it. It was a hard decision, and I wavered a lot from thinking 'Lets do it to No way'! But I was finally convinced on doing the Amnio because logically speaking this procedure provides answers with an almost 100% accuracy plus has little chance of complications. But even after the decision was made one doesn’t think logically or behave logically most of the time. So prayers and fears were part of my nights and days.

We met with the genetic counselor who talked about what I had already read and answered our questions patiently, and then we went for the ultrasound. I had assumed that even when we agree for the amnio it would be done on a later day, but the counselor told us they can do it both together. And so first the technician came in and did the ultrasound. My heart soared when I saw the little one, moving around in the tiny little space – super cute. The technician continued with many measurements and finally the doctor arrived for the procedure.

The procedure itself was not bad, they numbed the little section and watched the baby via ultrasound the whole time to ensure nothing was amiss. I was nervous and held Amma's hand throughout the whole thing looking away from the procedure and mentally thinking about good things and sending fervent prayers. It was over in a matter of minutes and the doctor joking asked me to make my husband work as I took rest for a day or two at least. I called my boss and I took rest of the day and the next day off from work. I took rest with Amma fussing over me. She even made me sleep with her just so that Kochunni doesn’t kick me or something at night. The next couple of days were easier as I was more worried about having a miscarriage that I did not think about the results, but as Monday dawned that thought could not be put further away. There seemed to be a unspoken truce within the family that none of us talked about it at home. The only person who used to ask "how the baby was doing" was Kochunni and I would tell him let’s just pray to the Guruvayoorappan to keep the baby safe and he religiously would mention it to Him after every bath.

Exactly a week later, the office called. My heart skipped a beat as I was driving to work and noticed a new number on my cell phone. I picked it up, and as the counselor told me the news that the baby is fine, no down syndrome, no spinal bifida it felt as if a weight had been lifted. I could not stop smiling as I told the lady that she just made my day. I quickly called home and passed the news to husband and my parents who were equally elated.

I did not share the news about the blood results or amnio to anyone early on – only two people apart from parents and my husband knew about it. One was my boss and second was my cousin who is a nurse by profession knew. Everyone who knew was indeed supportive and I am sure their prayers helped. But it’s not an easy thing to share even with best friends and extended family – I mean how do you even start a conversation around it? It is definitely much easier to share the joys and triumphs than our sorrows and fears. The other reason was the uncertainty – the blood results only provide a marker - a one in X chance that something could be wrong, and this seems like a burden one has to carry oneself.

Today as I write this post, I wonder if I am doing the right thing by putting it in black and white. The ordeal is behind us but the memory still fresh. Yesterday I met with the doctor and she smiled and chatted about how its considered an easy procedure – I have heard the refrain before, but the moments you go through it, you are alone, very alone. On the other hand, like my cousin said this parenting is never easy – it’s always one thing or another. But as the holidays approach, I trust there is a angel somewhere looking over all of us and I can relax and get back to worrying about what cutesy baby items I should buy.