The Amnio Test

The last post is something that I had mentally written almost a month ago but never got around to post it. First of course like many folks I waited for the crucial first trimester to tide over and then as I started to figure out a cool way to announce it the world but as I realized that it’s now or never, I had my 2nd trimester blood screen and it came back with some markers for down syndrome and that had me heart on red-alert.

It was dreadful - sleepless nights and days as a little hope rises from your heart the mind just crushes it down like someone swatting a bug.
The day I got the call from the doctor, I was actually driving back from work. I think I talked to her intelligently , just asking facts and figures. But when I hung up, the enormity of the finding hit me and I gave way for tears. I held myself as much as I could as I quickly could and picked up Kochunni from daycare. As I sat back in the car, I guess the little fella figured out something was amiss. Kochunni started to ask about why I was upset, but I would not answer. When we got home I literally ran to the bathroom and gave way to the tears. Minutes later, I told my parents who were obviously starting to worry with my strange behavior. Kochunni seemed to realize something was off and started to cry himself and kept asking why are your crying Amma. I had to help myself at that point and told him that I will not cry, but he knew that something was wrong with the baby. So I tried to just call it off as a little owie for the baby.

The doctor had suggested to do the Amniocentesis test – it’s a test where they take the fluids using a large needle from your amniotic sac and culture the cells to check if there are any chromosomal or genetic deficit. I knew it was an invasive procedure so I was leaning towards a level 2 ultrasound, which according to the doctor could only check for soft markers and could not be conclusive either way. Since it was right before the Thanksgiving holidays, I scheduled appointment for the Ultrasound the week after and tried to relax.

The internet always as omnipresent source I used it to read about the amnio test and what other folks discussed on discussion boards about it. It was a hard decision, and I wavered a lot from thinking 'Lets do it to No way'! But I was finally convinced on doing the Amnio because logically speaking this procedure provides answers with an almost 100% accuracy plus has little chance of complications. But even after the decision was made one doesn’t think logically or behave logically most of the time. So prayers and fears were part of my nights and days.

We met with the genetic counselor who talked about what I had already read and answered our questions patiently, and then we went for the ultrasound. I had assumed that even when we agree for the amnio it would be done on a later day, but the counselor told us they can do it both together. And so first the technician came in and did the ultrasound. My heart soared when I saw the little one, moving around in the tiny little space – super cute. The technician continued with many measurements and finally the doctor arrived for the procedure.

The procedure itself was not bad, they numbed the little section and watched the baby via ultrasound the whole time to ensure nothing was amiss. I was nervous and held Amma's hand throughout the whole thing looking away from the procedure and mentally thinking about good things and sending fervent prayers. It was over in a matter of minutes and the doctor joking asked me to make my husband work as I took rest for a day or two at least. I called my boss and I took rest of the day and the next day off from work. I took rest with Amma fussing over me. She even made me sleep with her just so that Kochunni doesn’t kick me or something at night. The next couple of days were easier as I was more worried about having a miscarriage that I did not think about the results, but as Monday dawned that thought could not be put further away. There seemed to be a unspoken truce within the family that none of us talked about it at home. The only person who used to ask "how the baby was doing" was Kochunni and I would tell him let’s just pray to the Guruvayoorappan to keep the baby safe and he religiously would mention it to Him after every bath.

Exactly a week later, the office called. My heart skipped a beat as I was driving to work and noticed a new number on my cell phone. I picked it up, and as the counselor told me the news that the baby is fine, no down syndrome, no spinal bifida it felt as if a weight had been lifted. I could not stop smiling as I told the lady that she just made my day. I quickly called home and passed the news to husband and my parents who were equally elated.

I did not share the news about the blood results or amnio to anyone early on – only two people apart from parents and my husband knew about it. One was my boss and second was my cousin who is a nurse by profession knew. Everyone who knew was indeed supportive and I am sure their prayers helped. But it’s not an easy thing to share even with best friends and extended family – I mean how do you even start a conversation around it? It is definitely much easier to share the joys and triumphs than our sorrows and fears. The other reason was the uncertainty – the blood results only provide a marker - a one in X chance that something could be wrong, and this seems like a burden one has to carry oneself.

Today as I write this post, I wonder if I am doing the right thing by putting it in black and white. The ordeal is behind us but the memory still fresh. Yesterday I met with the doctor and she smiled and chatted about how its considered an easy procedure – I have heard the refrain before, but the moments you go through it, you are alone, very alone. On the other hand, like my cousin said this parenting is never easy – it’s always one thing or another. But as the holidays approach, I trust there is a angel somewhere looking over all of us and I can relax and get back to worrying about what cutesy baby items I should buy.

Food Poisoning

Kochunni has been having some trouble in tummy lately, Sunday it was constipation by Wednesday it was loose-motion. He was clingy, had a little cough – All minor things when looked at in isolation especially for a kid going to day-care. We kept an eye on him and kept calling the day-care at regular intervals to keep tabs on him. He was fine – no other signs of discomfort, no fever, that we even started to consider the possibility that all this might be in reaction to the potty training that was going on in the background.

Yesterday I was en-route to pick up the lil’ guy when husband called from work to let me know that he saw a letter about an egg recall in northern CA from Costco for fear of Salmonella – the same brand of eggs that we had bought last week. A shudder passed through to me, as I asked husband to call the doctor office immediately. It was little past 5, so getting the regular doctor might not be possible. My mind drew a blank, not that I had really read too much about the illness – its symptoms or treatment, I only knew from the news stories about the affected cases and the voluntary recalls. But I knew that this was a serious case. I called him back and asked him to check on the symptoms and results, and he responded it can be very severe, unless treated. My heart went numb again. We had been giving him the eggs for breakfast for the last 3-4 days. Boiled eggs with a banana was his routine breakfast for a long time now. He loved it and could eat it every day without complain. My heart recoiled at the thought of it!

I almost ran into the day-care only to find an empty room. On any other day, I would have patiently signed on the sign-out sheet and walked to the park area, but today I rushed out to the park behind the room. And there he was, laughing and playing with his friends, and the moment he saw me, he called “Amma” and ran towards me, all smiles. I gave him a hug, and with a mental prayer to Lord Krishna, asked him how he was. Fine, he said. He called out to Ms L and she came up to me smiling – all cheerful, in total contrast to me. I forced a smile and asked about him. He was doing well she said, a little diarrhea, but otherwise nothing. I thanked her and left the place, not wanting to breakdown in front of all the kids.

Hope springs eternal, and there was a possibility that we had bought the egg carton that wasn’t infected. I headed home, praying all the way. Kochunni was his usual self, chattering about, but I did not respond as usual, and with just monosyllable responses from me, he became quieter himself towards the end of the way. Of course, then I panicked and tried to put on a happy face.
Reaching home, I tried my best to calmly help Kochunni with his shoes and jacket. I raced to the fridge and dialled my husband with my other hand. As I read out the number on the side of the egg carton he confirmed it was the affected batch!

The tears I was holding came crashing down, as fear of the unknown gripped my heart. We decided to take him to the after hour clinic immediately, and as husband decided to meet me there, I quickly decided on a diaper change and some little food for the guy before heading out there. By this time, Kochunni had taken out his toy cars, ready to play as usual and when I asked him to put on his shoes and jacket again his immediate response a wailing NO! As I tried to explain that we had to go to the doctor, he continued with his NO’s, and I hugged him in sheer desperation. He probably understood that something was different for suddenly he was quiet watching me. I changed his diaper, a little watery than usual and got him ready once more.

As Kochunni ate some Cheerios, I quickly headed to check out Google, Wikipedia to check up on Salmonella. I briefly read about its symptoms – fever, diarrhea, vomiting; diagnosis and its treatment. It relieved me to know that raw eggs were more harmful than boiled ones,. But as quickly as I had opened to read, the usually slow eater was done and we had to head out to the doctor (before he changed his mind again). Luckily even though we only had a 7.15 PM appointment, we were allowed to see the doctor almost immediately after I arrived. Not our regular paediatrician, but a very nice lady met with us and slowly set our immediate fears to rest. The diarrhea might be part of some viral infection, so for now keep him hydrated and happy, she said. There are no signs that he is not well, his tummy, ears, mouth are all fine, she noted. We still gave a stool sample to have the lab check it out to ensure there is no real threat & headed home. He pooped twice again, but again no other signs of discomfort. Now it’s wait and watch game until the lab report comes out in 48 hours.

I feel terrible, helpless and a cloud of fear hangs over my head threatening to spoil the mood. I am hoping that a wind of good faith will keep it at bay and may even take him away, but that only time shall tell …

Vidyarambham

Today was Kochunni's Vidyarambham - the initiation into learning and writing in front of the Lord. This was one of the main reasons for our journey. We reached Kollur yesterday evening after a long car ride from Bangalore.

As the sun rose we quickly got ready for the big event. Luckily Kochunni was showing little signs of tiredness and we hoped that he will be a happy fella during the puja activities at 7AM. After bath, we quickly headed out to Goddess Mookambika temple a few minutes away from our hotel.

Luckily there was not much crowd and one of the priests was getting ready to do the ceremony for two girls when we arrived. He asked us to join them and we sat down inside the Sarswati Madapam. Kochuuni sat on his father's lap and myself next to them. He followed all the instructions that the priest gave with a curious look in his eyes. After prayers he wrote down 'Om Hari Shree Ganpathaya Namaha' in rice and that initiated him to his new learning's. The priest also used a gold ring to write the same on Kochuuni's tongue, represting Goddess Saraswati being with him through/for speech.

The event went off well and then we visited the temple and seeked Goddess blessings. After leaving the temple we stepped outside to see an elephant. Kochunni gave a 'laddooo' to the elephant and in return the elephant raised its trunk to Kochunni as if blessing him. Kochunni liked to feed the elephant but when the elephant turned to bless him he cried a little and tried to turn away. Few minutes latter though he kept re-telling the story of the elephant give him a blessing.We bought Kochuuni a 'chenda' (drum) that was an instant hit with him as he kept trying to play a tune and do a little dance walking down the street, amusing many folks.

Soon it was time for breakfast, re-packing and heading out to Kerala - our next stop.

The last post of 2008

So how do I do the last post of the 2008?

I have been racking my brains on this – seems like a big thing – you know ‘end it right’, sorta thing. Thought of many things to do - a summary post (who has time), a time capsule (Dottie did a far better job already, see here), a resolutions list (come on you know I won’t keep it) or maybe a snapshot of the blog that is rocking and all that jazz (who am I kiddin', my readership has probably fallen to the deep abyss already)

And then it hit me. I do the last post (drum roll please) with CELEBRATIONS! Because, I made it to a 100 post per year this year. Isn’t that reason enough? :D

Here’s wishing you all a HAPPY HAPPY 2009! May all that be blessed come your way. And here are some great pictures of how everyone is celebrating.

Lastly a prayer

O Krishna, we praise and thank you for the gift of living this year,
This year has been a time filled with many blessings,
a few challenges and some opportunities, joys and sorrows
While we trust and believe in You,
Sometimes it’s been difficult to understand Your ways.
Guard us and show us the right way
May we continue to grow in age, wisdom, knowledge and grace
Throughout our lifetime.
Jai Shree Krishna.


Happy New Year!