The year that was

As I mentioned in my last post, last summer was truly filled with many firsts. Losing a job, even as part of a massive layoff, hits one hard. It feels personal – as though it was somehow your fault, even as one part of your brain tells you that it wasn’t. I had a hard time reconciling between my head and heart about how things had played out at work. On one end, I had 7 glorious years where I met a lot of my now close friends, climbed the corporate ladder and learnt a whole lot of new things. On the other end, was me having to look for something new on not exactly  my own terms. 

I do admit it was fun to be at home and spend time with my family during the summer - I could do many things that so far had been neglected – from my reading, to exercising, to meeting friends, to spending quality time with the little ones. But personally for me, in my own head, being  able to support myself in my own way was very, VERY important. It didn’t matter what anyone else had or brought in – this was my way of independence, my way of saying thanks to my parents who let me learn what I wanted to learn, my way of saying ‘I support you’ to my husband (even though he earns more than I do), my way of telling my boys that girls are their equal, no matter what “manly” superheroes you adore today.

But looking for a job is no easy task. First there is the resume I hadn’t updated in a while. Then there is the dreaded question 'What are you doing these days?'; to spending the hours on end on the computer combing through different job sites. The worst was when you would get cold calls from recruiters. You did your best to present yourself only to realize that they were just hunting for names – possibly to fill their quotas of how many job seekers did they add to their database. Frustrating? Terribly so. There were days when I would get call backs and interviews scheduled which would lift my spirits to days to when I heard nothing that would just as easily bring me down.

But like the saying goes, once you are down, the only way to go is up or like in my case build a tunnel to get back up. I started my tunnel by finding things I could do. I applied for workers compensation, I took to a career counselor (that was part of my exit package) who helped a lot with my resume and interview questions. I kept myself busy at Kochu’s school from field trips to reading in class to becoming our school’s PTA media coordinator. I kept in touch with my friends who had lost their jobs as part of the restructure and we built a rapport. It was not easy but along the way of tunnel digging I realized that just because you lose your job you do not lose your identity. Self worth, confidence comes from many other factors - from your family, from friends, from your thoughts, and finally our OWN deeds. I concentrated on my health, on my kids and on God's work. There had to be a reason for this change and even though I had no idea what it was I had to believe that there was something on the other side that was awaiting for me.

It probably started to show in my later interviews as well (I think) as towards the end of 2013 I started feeling a whole lot better. I finally got a job offer and just like that the ball was back in my court. Granted it is a contract role that will run its course in a few months but I the tunnel I have dug for myself has landed my on a new shore with new horizons to follow and explore. I will be back looking for a more permanent role soon but for now I am going to take a breather and enjoy my view.